How To Use The Christmas Holiday To Improve Your Marriage
So, your partner or spouse is difficult at present, and you are more aware than ever that your love life is lacking, you feel unappreciated and are getting desperate for those loving touches that make all the difference. You crave a nurturing relationship, a little romance and emotional security with a partner who is emotional mature? Wishes, wishes, all only to natural and just, alas relationship life often looks very different.

It seems to me that every year Christmas highlights all the bad points in our relationships. We tend to feel more needy, self esteem is low and the pressure from family and friends on our marriage, or relationship is particularly high at this time of year.

Somehow there is that idea out there in the collective consciousness that now is the time of make or brake. This is the time to get your marriage, or your relationship sorted out, or leave him or her. Now is the time, or never.

Well, why now? Why not last month or next year? What is so urgent about Christmas? Let's face it your marriage or relationship is either working, or it is not. There may be a cut off point, or a point when you decide to heal your marriage or relationship and give it that extra final inch.

But, do you really need to bring everything to boiling point at Christmas? Sure, it is a fact supported by many statistics, that the holiday period seems to be designed to make us take stock. The real question though is whether this is just some figment of your imagination, or some old conditioning with little relevance to the realities of relationship life.

Perhaps we are just reacting to other people's expectations instead of looking inside and determine where we stand free from the influences and op pinions of well meaning family and friends.

If you feel the need to change things in your marriage or relationships here is my suggestion for a new look to your love life which may bring you lots of benefits. It starts, as it always does, with working on yourself and looking inwards: So, try working on your perception of your relationship.

For example, intend this Christmas to simply step back and expand your mental awareness. This intention could involve seeing your partner from his or her point of view. Instead of judging their actions from your point of view. Try to put yourself in their shoes and feel their feelings and think their thoughts.

What are their pressures? How do they feel when you are critical and demand that they go shopping in the busy Christmas period when they are perhaps more pre-occupied with their business and making sure that your lifestyle is maintained through difficult times. Think about how you might be able to help them change their negative and limiting perspectives.

Perhaps you feel a sense of overwhelm just considering these ideas. This is only natural when you are going through a stressful period in your relationship, and sense that your feelings deserve more consideration than your partner has shown. These sentiments are all well and good, but they do nothing to help your relationship problems.

Remember that change always starts with that first baby step. Let that first step be your intention to develop something positive and different inside you. Follow your intuition and be openminded and let ideas come to you. Trust your inner guidance free from ego considerations. Your ego should be firmly placed in a drawer for now and the key to the drawer ought to be thrown away for now. You can always get it back, if need be.

Here is another thought. How about searching for personal development gifts in the form of games that you can play together? The personality game for instance is a great gift idea that you can put to incredibly good use with all your family. The personality game gets you to look at the different characters that make up your personality. We all have good and bad aspects to our personality. It is a natural instinct to try and hide the negative aspects from ourselves as well as from others. The personality game shows you how this attitude is actually counterproductive.

I have played the personality game with family and friends. We got great and often astounding results. Because it is a game and is such fun to play everyone relaxes and everyone wants to carry on playing, finding out more about themselves.

So, why not get everyone motivated to go on a journey of self exploration during this holiday period? Get the entire family involved and you can make self discovery the greatest fun you had in ages and tske away from the deeper motives. What else can be a better strategy to improve your marriage?

True happiness comes from not taking yourself too seriously. When you share your little and big discoveries about the many aspects of your personalities, they somehow become less of a threat. You will even begin to see those characteristics you dislike most as charming quirks and laugh about them. I hardly need to point out how laughter can defuse many a difficulty.

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Mercedes Oestermann van Essen is a human development coach, energy therapist and author. She has created the Happy Venn Diagram for environment, body and mind, a unique approach for happiness and success. Get your free report, 5 Little Known Keys To Happiness

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